Grief and Power

My Dad died on October 26, 2020. It's hard to explain the impact that his death had because of the many layers involved. You see I was adopted. Chosen. Loved. Adored. That's what my parents told me. So then imagine one of my protectors, strength and love giving parents passes away. I was lost. Still am honestly. It's different navigating the world without my Dad physically in it. I didn't feel strong anymore. I felt like I needed to hide. That I would never be ok again. For me, this death was devastating in a way that is different. Being adopted has with it consistent and constant pain and loss. I joke with my therapist every time that I have an issue that it is because I was adopted. It's true. But it's not the adopted part. I was chosen, loved, adored. It's the giving away part. And then I was found. And then my Dad was gone. I found a fantastic therapist through the hospice center and she has helped me like I couldn't have imagined. I just passed 3 years that he has been gone. I do feel stronger, more powerful again. Like my voice is returning and I'm able to speak up. I had to learn to lean on myself and my energy and shift into a spiritual relationship with my Dad. I do believe he is still my Protector and strength. And so is my Mom. Thankfully she is doing fine and is managing her grief well. That's all we can do. Manage it and move ahead. Baby steps.